Everywhere from the doctor’s surgery to the morning commute, the world buries their nose in the bottomless scroll. Once a place where you could share with your close circle, social media has expanded to become an immense entertainment network. Everybody who is anybody now shares their thoughts, feelings, dramatic stories, and what they’ve had for breakfast with a potential audience of millions.
Kids have always looked to their peers for validation and self-worth, especially teens and tweens. But for the younger generations, the popularity contest that was once limited to the school canteen now has them going up against the whole world. As parents, we want to see our children thrive, flourish and be happy. How can we help them do this, when through their smartphone, nothing ever seems to be enough?
Social media’s effect on self-esteem
Kids have always cared about what others think about them, and trends that fixate on being “cool” were probably even around in the Stone Age. While we parents weren’t around back then, we likely had our own experiences with Axe deodorant, blue eyeshadow, and shaving off our eyebrows, all in the name of beauty. The pressure to be popular can be hard enough on adolescents, but when the popularity contest moves from high school hallways to social media networks, it can be downright overwhelming.
Tweens and teens may become stressed, anxious, and even depressed as they spend more and more time crafting their online identities in order to gain favor from other social media users. And the longer we spend on social media, the more it affects our self-perception: studies show that increased time on social media negatively affects self-esteem, as does our likelihood to compare our physical appearance to others.
Why are children being “influenced” so young?
Trends ebb and flow, and we’ve all been caught up in their throes. So what’s the difference now? Children are being exposed to social media much younger nowadays. Qustodio research shows that 41% of 10-12 year olds use TikTok, despite officially not being old enough to use the platform (TikTok is for users aged 13+ only).
Through social media, young kids are exposed to almost constant advertising, surrounded by product recommendations, and the latest “must-have”, without even knowing that they’re being marketed to. According to the International University of Rioja Digital Fit study, 62% of 11-17 year-olds follow at least one influencer online. This age group also receives frequent advertising for products related to health, beauty, and skincare: 30% of the adverts reported by this age group were for cosmetics or beauty products.
Is being influenced such a bad thing?
The outcry of the older generations over the younger is nothing new. Now it is perhaps more widespread as we more easily share our furor and dismay online: concern surrounding so-called “Sephora Kids” (tweens seeking out $80 skincare in the quest for a perfect complexion) glued to GRWM videos on TikTok is now a viral meme. Through social media itself, shock rippled across the parenting generations as they watched teen boys haul expensive cologne, dousing themselves in multiple (pricey) fragrances in a practice known online as smellsmaxxing.
The cost of this influence for parents in the age of social media is greater than before, both on wallets – a $10 bottle of Axe is now being swapped out for a $200 perfume – and their kids’ mental health. The US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued an advisory to American families in 2023, signaling that nearly half (46%) of teens stated social media made them feel worse about their body image.
The trouble with seeking solace online
Research suggests that teens often rely on online services for emotional support. The internet is constant, a companion that’s always there for them to open, scroll, and enjoy. It’s a space where kids can explore their interests, feel validated, and part of a larger community. Teens themselves report that it positively impacts them in many ways: 53% of children believe being online is good for their mental health, and 38% assert it helps them to feel better about themselves.
The problem with the trend of consulting the internet, as opposed to seeking out real-life connections, is two-fold. First, social media has made it more challenging for parents to keep up with their kids’ peer groups, and secondly, it appears that online friendships can be even more influential than their real-life relationships, making digital peer pressure a real concern.
Children are more connected than ever before, and of course, this has some positives – learning new things, exploring interests, and being informed, among others. While this social connection is being boosted in the online realm, not so in real life. Families and children everywhere are less supported, with households becoming a small, close-knit community as opposed to whole neighborhoods. This can be very isolating, meaning kids don’t know where to turn to when in need of help, and look for solace in devices.
What can parents do to help boost self-esteem?
Concerns over social media’s effect on your child’s self-esteem are well-founded, but there are some things you can do to foster a healthy self-image despite this influence:
- Provide plenty of opportunities for tweens and teens to interact with peers offline.
- If your teen is posting videos or photos online, be sure they are practicing selfie and content creation safety.
- Promote self-expression in different ways. Let your child explore who they are creatively, through writing, art, or music, for example.
- Provide them with, or encourage them to develop outlets for stress, such as exercise, journaling, developing a hobby, or simply getting outside.
- Promote self-care (that doesn’t break the bank). Forge good sleeping habits, healthy eating, regular exercise, and ways to practice mindfulness. Skincare routines, makeup, and beauty can also be part of a healthy self-care routine – make sure that the ingredients and products your child uses are appropriate for their skin.
- Talk about your own experience on social media. Adults aren’t immune to the more toxic side of social networks, and sharing your own stories, while opening the conversation about how your child uses social media helps them reflect on its impact.
While your child’s online presence is increasingly important in a world ruled by technology, forging offline relationships should be the priority, before social media casts its wide net over them. Wait until your child is ready for social media, instead of being guided by peer pressure, and support them as they navigate new territory.
With loving, clear communication, healthy boundaries, and the right tools to look after their wellbeing, your child’s relationship with social media can help them discover new ways of self-expression, and contribute to their sense of self, rather than just taking away.
