Dr. Nicole Beurkens
Child psychologist
One of the dark sides of technology and its increasing prevalence in our kids’ lives is the presence of something called “sextortion”. Knowing the signs of sextortion, understanding how to respond if your child becomes a victim, and being aware of its impact on mental health are crucial steps in safeguarding your teen.
This article provides you with information on sextortion and strategies to address this pressing issue. While it may be an uncomfortable topic to consider, knowledge is power when it comes to protecting our children from the serious harms that can arise when engaging with digital media.
What is sextortion?
Sextortion is a form of online exploitation that involves coercing teens into sending explicit pictures or videos of sexual acts, often under the threat of public exposure if they don’t comply with demands.
For teenagers, this often begins in ways that don’t feel particularly dangerous, such as an online “friend” or acquaintance asking for a seemingly harmless photo or engaging in flirtatious conversations. However, once an explicit image or compromising information is shared, the perpetrator demands more explicit content, money, or other behavior. If those demands aren’t met, they threaten to release the initial content to the victim’s friends, family, school administrator, or online social network.
Recent research shows that approximately 5% of middle and high school students report being victims of sextortion, and 3% admit to having threatened peers who shared an image or private information with them in confidence.
Perpetrators can be strangers posing as same-age peers, but they also can be someone the teen knows personally. Romantic partners (especially after a break-up) are common perpetrators for teens, and females are at particular risk in this scenario. Both males and females are at risk of victimization in this way, and a significant amount of sextortion happens while they are still minors (16-17 years old).
Why are cases of sextortion increasing?
The rise in sextortion cases can be attributed to several factors involving increased access to technology and digital media. There has been an explosion of online presence for teens in the last decade. The proliferation of social media, messaging apps, and online gaming means teens are spending more time online, which makes them more accessible to predators. The internet also provides the benefit of anonymity for perpetrators, making it easier for them to exploit victims without fear of consequences.
These issues, coupled with a general lack of awareness on the part of teens and parents, have increased this dangerous behavior. Many teens do not fully understand the risks associated with sharing personal information or explicit content, which makes them more vulnerable to manipulation. This includes sexting behaviors, which many teens believe are harmless, but provide an entry point for sextortion.
Sextortion and AI
It is also critical to understand how advances in technology have made it easier for perpetrators to victimize teens by creating convincing fake profiles and manipulating images or videos to intimidate victims. For example, abusers can now use AI image generators to “nudify” images of children, and then use these images to engage in sextortion. This means that if not armed with accurate information and support, kids can be victimized not only by real images they may have sent, but also by fake images created for the sole purpose of sextortion.
Signs your teen is being sextorted
It can be difficult to know if your teen is experiencing sextortion, so parents need to be aware of signs to watch for. Most kids won’t disclose this immediately due to shame, concerns about punishment, or fear of being further victimized. These are several key things you can watch for:
1. Behavior changes
Any noticeable changes in behavior can be an indication that something is wrong. Specifically, rapid mood swings, increased anxiety, depression, or withdrawal from family and friends can be red flags.
2. Secrecy around digital devices
If your teen becomes unusually protective of their phone or computer it could indicate a problem. This can include changing passwords, not using devices in public spaces, or suddenly making social media accounts private.
3. Unusual financial requests or activity
Sextorters may demand money to prevent the release of explicit content. If your child starts asking for increasing amounts of money, or is withdrawing money from their accounts in unexpected ways, this may be a sign of problems.
4. Social avoidance
Teens may avoid places and situations where they see peers. This includes social events, online groups, and even school. Sudden school refusal is a red flag that something problematic (sextortion or otherwise) is going on.
5. Physical symptoms
Increased stress levels often show up as physical symptoms. This can include symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, body aches, or changes in sleep patterns.
How can sextortion affect a teen’s mental health?
The psychological impact of sextortion on teens can be profound and long-lasting. There are short-term and long-term impacts to consider, both of which benefit from the empathic support of parents and professionals.
- Anxiety and depression – The fear of exposure and the ongoing harassment can lead to severe anxiety and depression. This is true while the behavior is happening, but can also persist well into the future if not properly addressed.
- Shame and guilt – Victims of sextortion often feel ashamed and blame themselves for the situation, which negatively impacts their self-esteem and self-worth. This is especially key during the teen years when they are still forming a sense of who they are.
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – Some teens may develop PTSD, which can involve experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, and severe emotional distress well into the future.
If your child has been a victim of sextortion, or any of the behaviors associated with it, your compassionate support is key to reducing the serious mental health impacts. It may also be appropriate to utilize counseling or other professional mental health supports to help your teen process the incident and develop healthy coping skills for managing things like anxiety or depression that may result.
What to do if your child is a victim of sextortion
It obviously feels very overwhelming to discover that your child is a victim of sextortion. You will likely experience many difficult emotions, and there is a tendency to react in ways that are ultimately unhelpful. Remember that this is a time when your teen needs your emotional and problem-solving support to take the right steps. The good news about you being aware is that you can now help your child. Here are some specific things to keep in mind:
Stay calm and supportive
Reacting with anger or blame will only magnify your child’s distress. Focus instead on offering reassurance and support. Remind your teen that they are not alone, and that you will help them. Praise them for telling the truth about what’s happening.
Document evidence
Make sure your child saves any communication, screenshots, and messages from the perpetrator. This evidence is important for law enforcement.
Do not give the perpetrator money
While your first instinct may be to pay to make the problem so away, this is generally unproductive. Paying does not guarantee the material won’t be shared and is likely to lead to further demands.
Contact the authorities
While many incidents of sextortion go unreported, it is critical to report the incident to your local police. They handle these situations regularly, and can be a source of information and support on addressing the issue. You may also consider reaching out to organizations that specialize in online safety for additional support for both you and your child.
How to report sextortion
Reporting sextortion is a critical step in stopping the abuse and preventing further harm. Victims should consider contacting their local law enforcement, the online platform where the sextortion has taken place, or national agencies such as the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) in the US.
Some areas have specialized cybercrime units that have additional resources and expertise to handle cases of online exploitation.
Should your teen ignore sextortion?
Ignoring sextortion is not recommended, as it can lead to continued victimization and trauma. Perpetrators often increase their threats and harassment if they sense the victim is being unresponsive. It’s critical to take proactive steps to address the situation and seek help from authorities.
Tips for parents to address sextortion with their teens
It’s important for all parents to be aware of and address sextortion with teens, and it’s best to do that before they’ve encountered this behavior. While we want to be responsive once they’ve encountered sextortion, educating them ahead of time can help prevent their victimization in the first place. Here are some important general strategies to keep in mind:
1. Open communication
Create an environment of trust and open communication with your teen. Encourage them to talk about their online experiences and any concerns they may have. This makes it much more likely they will come to you before situations get out of control, and that they will confide in you if they are being victimized.
2. Educate about online safety
Teach your teen about the risks of sharing personal information and explicit content online. This includes written and image communication. Emphasize the importance of privacy settings and being cautious about who they interact with. Remind them often that nothing they send or post anywhere with their device is actually private.
3. Monitor digital activity
While respecting their privacy, stay informed about your teen’s online activities. Use parental controls and discuss the importance of responsible internet use. Qustodio is the parental control tool I recommend (and use with my own children).
4. Empower them
Encourage your teen to come to you immediately if they ever feel threatened or uncomfortable online. Make it clear that they will not be judged or blamed for seeking help, and that you will always partner with them supportively to address whatever is going on.
5. Seek professional help
If your teen has been a victim of sextortion, consider seeking counseling or support group involvement to help them process the experience and develop healthy coping skills.
Sextortion is a serious and growing threat that can have short- and long-term damaging effects on a teen’s mental health and wellbeing. By recognizing the signs, taking quick action, and fostering open communication, parents play an important role in protecting their children from this form of abuse.
